AT4W: Batman and Robin

Memorable quotes from episode 412:


Linkara: "This one shot is 63 pages long, so we should get going here. Let's dig into the comic adaptation of Batman and Robin-" *cut to static then to the Nostalgia Critic* "Wait, what?"
Critic: "Ok, Linkara, let's do this."
Linkara: "Huh?"
Critic: "I prepared for this mentally; let's just get it over with."
Linkara: "The hell are you talking about?"
Critic: "You're reviewing a comic adaptation of Batman and Robin, the movie that has a certain infamous moment in it, and you yourself have used it to torture me after our Superman IV crossover!" *Linkara does not look amused by the Critic's interruption* "Come on, you know everybody's waiting for it, people accost me about it all the time. They give me these handmade replicas, they give me giant versions of it, they've even given me pillow of it! Let's just get on with the bit; I'll rant and scream, and we can just get on with our lives. Do it. Do it! DO IIIIIT!!"
Linkara: "...Batman is rich."
Critic: *throws his fists in the air in anger* "A BAT CREDIT CAR— wait, what?"
Linkara: "He is rich and has funneled that money into his crime fighting enterprises through shell companies and false identities."
Critic: *still confused* "I-I don't get what you're-"
Linkara: "And being someone who prepares for multiple eventualities, as demonstrated in both comics and TV, wherein, he's actually utilized his money to solve a situation or bought something that he wouldn't normally carry with him, which would include, say, diapers for a rescued baby or coffee to keep himself awake. Plus, his tendency to accessorize his crime fighting tools to fit his motif, from something understandable like a fearsome vehicle, to something silly, like his projectiles resembling a bat and the fore mentioned usage of shell companies to acquire items, what exactly is so ridiculous and anger inducing... about a BAT. CREDIT. CARD?!"
Critic: *glances around nervously, unable to come up with a rebuttal*
Linkara: "Critic?"
Critic: "Yeah?"
Linkara: "Get in the corner!"
Critic: "Okay." *gets out of his chair and walks off*
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Linkara: "Anyway, in the scene, Batman is explaining to Robin what's going on."
Batman: "The Batcomputer tracks a giant drilling truck burrowing under the city, heading for the museum."
Linkara: "Oh yeah, and I've decided not to do my standard "gravely Batman voice" for authenticities sake. After all, George Clooney couldn't be bothered to act in this movie; so, I want to mimic that level of commitment."
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Linkara: "Batman and Robin crash through the museum's ceiling window."
Mr. Freeze: "You're not sending me to the cooler."
Linkara (as Mr. Freeze): "Damn, if only I had some weapon that could freeze them!"
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Linkara: "Robin managed to stick to the side of the capsule and forces his way inside after Mr. Freeze ejects himself from it."
Batman: "I thought you were going to stay in the museum—"
Robin: "How about, nice to see you? Glad you're here—to save my live."
Batman: "When we get home, we're having a little communications workshop."
Linkara (as Batman): "Not about this, mind you. It's just federal regulations require us to have sensitivity training if I'm going to keep writing off the cave on my taxes."
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Linkara: "The two eject out, using the doors of the rocket as skydiving boards while the rocket explodes behind them. Behold this shot, a perfect visual analogy of everything ludicrous in this film! Also, somewhere Michael Bay just orgasmed, and he doesn't know why. Mr. Freeze, apparently deciding to not use his jet pack anymore, creates an ice slide for him to fall down on, which is conveniently used by Batman and Robin to get to the ground safely. The battle wagon arrives again, and Mr. Freeze suddenly remembers: "Oh yeah, I can freeze them." And does so to Robin."
Mr. Freeze: "Can you be cold, Batman? You have eleven minutes to thaw the bird."
Linkara (as Mr. Freeze): "I would just shoot you too, but then who would hear my puns?! I am powerless without an audience!"
Linkara: "Also, what does he mean "eleven minutes to thaw him"? I doubt his freezing gun is really the same as being cryogenically frozen or being put in stasis. Which means his body should die from lack of oxygen after only four minutes, assuming the shock from the rapid temperature drop doesn't finish him off right away."
Mr. Freeze: "Your emotions make you weak. That is why this day is mine."
Linkara (as Mr. Freeze): "I am so happy about emotions making you weak! I have a smile on my soul!"
Linkara: "Batman thaws Robin using a hand held Bat-laser, a common crime fighting tool, and we cut to "Somewhere in the South American jungle", where Pamela Isley is recording her log into her tape recorder."
Pamela Isley: "If I can find the correct dose of venom, these plants will be able to fight back like animals."
Linkara (as Uma Thurman): "After that, maybe get back to Tarantino about that "Kill Bob" movie or whatever he wants to make."
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Linkara: "We cut over to the Batcave, where Bruce and Dick are recounting Mr. Freeze's origin."
Bruce Wayne: "After his wife contracted a rare disease, McGregor's Syndrome, he hoped to freeze her—until he could discover a cure. Here's where everything goes north."
Linkara: "Glass containing a liquid that was 50 below, soaks Dr. Fries."
Linkara (as Alan "Dutch" Schaefer): *holding his arms and shivering like he's cold* "See, now the Predator will never see me coming!"
Linkara: "The liquid mutates him so that he can only survive in sub-zero temperatures."
Bruce: "His cryo-suit uses diamond-enhanced lasers to keep him at zero degrees."
Linkara: "You know, if Freeze can afford his high tech suit, the battlewagon, and a rocket capable of going 30,000 feet in mere minutes, maybe he could just buy the diamonds he needs? Bruce thinks of luring Freeze into a trap using some diamonds he owns, but he also tell Robin he needs to do ten hours of training for being "reckless". Except, in this comic, he didn't just charge at Freeze like he did in the movie. So, I'm not sure how he was being reckless, aside from saving Bruce's life in this version, which is just dumb. Dick sees it as Bruce not trusting him, which… no, not really. Even in the movie, Robin is just impulsive and stupid. Back in South America. Isley reemerges, now mutated by all the chemicals and toxins she was dropped into."
Isley: "My blood is now aloe."
Linkara (as Isley): "Moisturize your skin with my blood."
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Linkara: "And now we cut over to Chekov's observatory, with a telescope connected to satellites all around the Earth. Since Bruce Wayne is funding it, he's of course there, but Pamela Isley has arrived to speak with him."
Isley: "I have here a proposal showing how Wayne Enterprises can immediately cease all actions that toxify our environment."
Linkara (as Bruce): "Ms. Isley, this is a proposal to legalize Kinder Eggs."
Linkara (as Isley): "Look, that's just step 1. Here me out on this!"
Bruce: "Your intentions are noble. But no diesel fuel for heat? No coolants to preserve food? Millions would die of cols and hunger alone."
Linkara: "The Lorax 7: Reckoning of the Bar-ba-loots!"
Isley: "Acceptable losses in a battle to save the planet."
Linkara (as Isley): "Having one company that already probably has a good track record of being environmentally friendly kill lots of people surely will save the Earth!"
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Linkara: "Back in the "Alfred is dying" subplot, a doctor reveals that he has stage 1 of McGregor's Syndrome."
Dick: "That's what Freeze's wife had."
Bruce: "Yes, but Alfred's case is less severe. Freeze's research says he cured a case like Alfred's. It just doesn't say how."
Linkara (as Bruce): "I tried to check his medical notes, but all to said was "Can you read these cold equations?" and "Snow money, snow problems"."
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Batman: "I did a little homework after I recognized that Pamela Isley and Poison Ivy are the same person. Your research… glandular secretions… scents that create fear, rage… and passion."
Linkara (as Isley): "Hello, my name is Pamela Isley, and I'd like to apply for a grant to learn about glandular secretions so I can create perfumes that make people afraid, angry, or horny."
Linkara: "She uses plant vines to ensnare the two, presumably through mutant plants or something… I don't know, and I don't care, but then Batgirl arrives."
Ivy: "I don't have any idea who you are, but… as I told Lady Freeze when I pulled her plug, this is a one-woman show."
Linkara (as Ivy): "And now, enjoy my rendition of "LA Song"."
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Mr. Freeze: "Tonight's forecast—a freeze is coming!"
Linkara (as Batman): *rubbing his cheek from the punch* "Oww! That wasn't a freeze, that was your fist!"
Batman: "Millions will die so you can save on air conditioning. Isn't that taking self-help a little far?"
Linkara: *with an annoyed expression on his face* "...I don't care if I know how this story ends; I still hope you die."